The Words from A Parent Which Saved Me during my time as a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was just just surviving for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality soon turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her main carer while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he burnt out. It was a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward words "You're not in a good place. You need assistance. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a larger failure to talk among men, who often absorb negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a show of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a pause - taking a couple of days overseas, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the expression of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "poor actions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their issues, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."